Internet is a great medium of Information and MIS-information.
Recently I read an article on the internet that said – If a man’s relationship with his mother is not good (tainted or broken ) then he will have no problem in breaking or tainting his relationship with you. (This is the advice for single women who are looking for a good life partner!)
I have 2 essential questions:
1. My first Question– WHY is the relationship tainted?
It is not recommended in this article that the single lady ask her would be life partner- WHY is his relationship with his mother tainted or broken ? The author assumes that the fault of the ‘tainted & broken’ relationship lies ONLY on the man and not on the mother. The fact is that it could be either of them (the man or the mother). How would you judge that by simply asking “… is your relationship tainted with your mother”? And reject the man if his answer is YES ! What is the guarantee that if his answer is NO, his relationship with you will be good!
This is really mis-information because the quality of a relationship that a man has with his mother is not only dependent on ‘Him’ but on his mother as well. His mother’s behavior counts as much as the man’s for maintaining the relationship. If he has an abusive mother, a neglecting mother … ad infinitum … and he doesn’t take the abuse anymore and decides not to be in touch with her or be attached to her, then there is nothing wrong in that on an emotional level! That shows that he will not put up with any kind of abuse and he also , may not abuse you as he understands how damaging it can be. However, it is only MAYBE. There is no black and white when it comes to relationships!
There are various perspectives on any issue and just focusing on one perspective and taking that to be the deciding factor in choosing a partner is not a good idea, in my opinion.
2. My second question is – what if a single man looking for a life partner asks a lady about her relationship with her father; whether it is tainted or broken. In this age of equality, he also has the right to decide on the basis of her answer whether to go further with the relationship or not. Applying the same logic as the author of the article implies , won’t the lady’s relationship with her father determine her behavior towards the man as well? The answer is NO, since a relationship is not determined by one person or one question.
Simply by asking one question, you cannot get an entire picture about a person. The personality characteristics are varied and co-determined by genes and environment. It is very difficult to pinpoint what will work and what will not. And basing your judgement on 1 or 5 questions is not such a good idea!
I would like to make a suggestion – please don’t blindly follow advices given on the internet. Evaluate and think before you apply them. People with least knowledge about human behavior and psychology give suggestions on sensitive topics without realizing that they have the potential to make or BREAK a relationship.