The last post was on why do marriages break. This one will discuss some marriage makers.
Daily renewed love
Expression is an important part of marriage. Expressing love for the partner in subtle ways is as significant as saying ‘ I love you’.
Keeping time aside each week for praising sessions and complaint sessions.
Keeping sometime aside for these will lead to increase in communication and understanding. Praising the things that one likes in one’s partner at one time and putting forth the complaints another time will help.
Getting rid of the blame game
ALWAYS blaming one’s spouse will lead to problems. Communication requires proper phrasing (just like EFT affirmations) to have effect. For e.g – “You always come home late”;”You always take time to get ready”
These can be phrased as ” It would be so nice if you came home early” “It would be great if you could get ready a little faster “.
Apply EFT on your feelings –
Even though my spouse always does this…,
Even though I sometimes get very angry with him/her because he/she comes home late/…,
7 ways to make EFT work for your marriage
1. Daily EFT for day to day stressors.
Deal with your stress on a day to day basis. Apply EFT on the stress inducing events like anger on the housekeeper, anger on your boss, frustration because your pension hasn’t come, your kids have wrecked the house and to top it all your spouse is late…. the list is endless which is why daily EFT will help.
2. Deal with the negative events in your past.
Negative emotions from your past have the ability to block your progress in work, relationships etc. It can undermine your self worth and capacity to enjoy life. Pent up feelings have a knack of exploding at the worst times. So remove them with the help of EFT.
3. Improving communication
Good communication skills are one of the biggest assets today. It isn’t about communicating in English; it’s about communicating effectively in the language of your choice. It implies being clear in your communication so that people can understand what you say as well as being a focused and attentive listener. Listening is an important part of this. Apply EFT on the past communication mishaps to first eliminate your anxiety and self doubt related to communication. After this you can improve upon the areas that require it. You will see that dealing with fears and anxiety related to other areas will automatically improve certain aspects of your communication. This will help you in your married life as well.
4. Tapping along with your spouse on daily problems.
5. Deal with your own prejudices and beliefs. Analyze the SHOULD and SHOULD NOTS.
E.g. – This should be this way…I will not take it any other way… deal with your fixed beliefs and ideas.
Apply EFT; make them flexible.
Even though I believe that all in-laws are bad, ….
Even though I believe that I am superior to my spouse because I earn more money, …
Even though I believe that being a vegetarian makes me superior to my spouse, …
Even though I believe that a wife’s place is in the house, …
Even though I believe that men shouldn’t sport a ponytail and therefore my husband should not, ….
6. Don’t force EFT on your spouse. Gradually introduce EFT to him/her. Point out the scientific roots of EFT. Tap on him/her.
7. Speak out your fears in front of your spouse. Ask him/her to help you in dealing with it with the help of EFT. Acknowledgment of a problem is the first step in eradicating it. Only after this can the motivation for getting rid of the problem come.
Even though I am unable to acknowledge that I have a problem, ….
Even though I am afraid of working on my problems, ….
Even though I am not motivated enough to start working on my problems, …
My best wishes for a happy married life!